Here is the rest of the story of Jillian’s first few days.
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I left the family in the waiting room as I wanted to be back in the recovery room when Jamie was brought in after surgery. When they rolled her in, she was really out of it. She was coming out of the general anesthesia and was in a lot of pain. They had ordered the pain medicine prescription and were waiting for it to come up. I still don’t understand why they waited to order it until she was out of surgery instead of while it was happening as we knew she would need it. It was pretty rough seeing her in so much pain, not fully understanding all that was going on. Plus it didn’t help that they kept coming over to press on her stomach where the incision was, not cool. They finally got the meds going and she was able to push the button whenever it turned green to administer more. Thankfully after not too long, she was feeling less pain, but still not fully there enough to talk coherently.
I think I forgot to mention that they had given Jamie a steroid shot earlier in the day that was supposed to help Jillian’s lungs develop quicker since they were worried about that with her being a preemie. Sadly that was also now causing her pain on top of the surgery. Because of the preeclampsia, the doctors had her on an IV of Magnesium Sulfate for 24 to 48 hours, which had the unfortunate side effect of making her extremely drowsy and likely to fall asleep at totally random times, even occasionally mid-sentence. I stayed with Jamie in the room until I was given the okay to go in and see Jillian. I gave the parents a quick update as I passed them in the waiting area, but I couldn’t wait to go in and see my daughter.
These couple of hours ended up being some of the most stressful of our time in the hospital. I was torn between being by Jamie’s side as I wanted to care for her and no other family was allowed in the room, being at Jillian’s bed and asking the doctors and nurses lots of questions on how my daughter was doing and what was going on, and spending time with both of our parents who were still sitting in the waiting room, not really getting any information from anyone and were worried about Jamie and Jillian.
I followed the nurse into the NICU and she showed me how to scrub in and where everything was. She then took me into Jillian’s room and my heart swelled and tears welled up in my eyes. She was so tiny, they told me she weighed in at 5 pounds, 5 ounces and was 17 ½ inches long (which was actually a good weight for being six weeks early). I just couldn’t believe that I was finally seeing my daughter, for more than the minute or two that I had seen her roll by earlier. She was in a crib that the nurses nicknamed a condo, the box with holes in the side and a lid that lifts up. There were cords and sensors all over her little body, a hat that held her c-pap in place and a feeding tube that went into her mouth. The doctor explained that overall she was doing well, but because her lungs were not fully developed, they would deflate too quickly after taking a breath. She was breathing on her own, but the c-pap was providing a little puff of air afterwards to keep the lungs inflated.
I had hopes of holding my daughter shortly after she was born and seeing Jamie with her, but that was not to be. I was not allowed to hold her that first day as they didn’t want to over stimulate her with human touch. So I was only able to stand in the dark room, next to the crib and marvel at the work that God had done in bringing her to us safely.
I quickly gave the grandparents an update on things and then went back to be with Jamie so I could tell her that Jillian was in good hands and share with her all that I had learned. I don’t think she remembers much of that though. Another effect of the Magnesium Sulfate was that they do not let mothers that are on it hold their babies until they have been off of it for 4-6 hours. With Jamie needing to be on it for 24-48 hours, this meant she might not get to hold Jillian until Wednesday night. We were both not okay with that. But being told that is how it works, I at least wanted her to be able to see her daughter on the day she was born. Thankfully the nurses were generous and when they were moving her to her regular hospital room, they wheeled her, in her hospital bed, into the NICU so she could see Jillian through the side of the crib. They normally will not do this as there wasn’t much room in there considering how big the bed is. We were so grateful that even though she could not hold her, she could at least see her (though sadly because of the all the drugs, she doesn’t remember being in there). Now that she was settled into her normal room, Jamie’s parents were able to go in and see her in there.
The NICU was very strict on visiting hours, they would close three times a day for 2 hours during shift changes and so we would have to leave. They also only allowed 2 people in for each baby at a time, with visitors being escorted by either Jamie or myself. Thankfully they made an exception for grandparents who could go in together without one of us. I walked each of my parents through the process of scrubbing in and introducing them to Jillian and then they switched with Jamie’s parents and I showed them how to do it. Now I wouldn’t have to worry about being in several places at once, they could go in and visit Jillian when they wanted to without me, since Jamie was still unable to go in.
Rachel and Jesse made it in from North Carolina around 11 pm or so, and thankfully I was able to take them in to meet Jillian right away. I was so excited that they were able to make it down so quickly, especially since it was so last minute! Everyone left a little after midnight, all of my family was going to be staying at our house since we would both be at the hospital all week. I took them all home and was able to get a bag together for us since we still didn’t have any other clothes or our computer or cameras! I settled in to sleep pretty late that night in the surprisingly uncomfortable folding chair bed in Jamie’s room.
Another quirk of the NICU those first few days was that we were only allowed in during feeding times, which was every three hours, as they wanted her to sleep as much as she could otherwise. We understood why, but it was so hard because I wanted to be in there all the time and often feeding times would fall during their closed hours and so we would miss out on our chance to get in and sit with her for hours at a time.
I got up early Tuesday morning to make it into the NICU for the first feeding and I was finally able to hold her! She was swaddled tight so the cords wouldn’t come off and she didn’t open her eyes, but it didn’t matter, I was finally holding my daughter for the first time. I still get emotional thinking about that time, sitting in the NICU looking at God’s precious gift to us while Jamie was still in her room, unable to make it down the hall.
They took her off the c-pap that day as well, saying that she was breathing on her own and her lungs were improving! Rachel and Jesse were able to see her and actually hold her briefly that day and then they headed back to North Carolina. Rachel had class that she needed to get back to and we realized that we weren’t going home any time soon.
Tuesday afternoon, they decided to take Jamie off of the Magnesium, earlier than we had expected, which meant that she could finally sit up and hold herself up in a wheelchair. We took her down to see Jillian again, now that she was back to herself. Unfortunately she was still unable to hold her, but they did lower the side of the crib so she could touch her. It was so wonderful to finally see mother and daughter together.
I got up even earlier on Wednesday morning to get back in the NICU and when I came in, Jillian was under an oxygen tent. I asked the nurse what was going on and she said that several times overnight, Jillian’s oxygen levels dropped below what they wanted them to be. She was still breathing on her own, the tent was just controlling the amount of oxygen in the air that she was breathing. They hoped that she would only have to be on it for a day and thankfully that was all it took. It was just so sad though, seeing her in her plastic bag inside the small crib.
Jamie and I were able to spend some time together in the room that afternoon and it was so good to celebrate Jillian’s life and be together as a family of three now. One of the hardest parts though was seeing her cry/scream in the crib. She would turn really red and would be screaming at the top of her lungs. It was so sad because we were unable to really comfort her in any way. To lighten the mood, Jamie joked that Jillian was in her own glass case of emotion. Thankfully it helped us to laugh and the nurse was able to come in and help out.
That evening, Jamie was finally able to hold her, a little over 48 hours after she was born. What a wonderful time it was for Jamie and her mom who got to be in there with her.
We were to be discharged on Friday, thankfully Jamie was healing well and was able to leave. However we knew that Jillian would not be joining us at this time. On Friday morning, I went in to check on her and her room was empty. The nurse ran up to me and said that they had just moved her to the Intermediate Care nursery down the hall as they felt she was improving. She showed me where it was and I was able to get familiar with it before going back to tell Jamie the exciting news! This nursery was definitely less intense than the other, though the visiting and closing hours remained the same.
As we expected, Jamie was discharged Friday afternoon. We were grateful to finally be leaving the hospital, but heartbroken that our baby would not be joining us. It was a hard night but we were so thankful to be back in our comfortable bed, rather than a hospital bed and chair, so we slept great. The next two weeks are somewhat of a blur, we spent much time in the car driving back and forth to the hospital. At home it felt like we didn’t have a baby as it was still just the two of us. At times it was so surreal and felt like we were visiting someone else’s baby very frequently. My work was great and I was able to work remotely for the first week and then did some flex hours the second week. It was tough working from the hospital when we had to leave the room so often, but I’m just so grateful I was able to be there with Jamie.
After two weeks of trying to help Jillian learn how to coordinate feeding from a bottle, instead of the tube, and swallow what she was getting without choking, as well as not wearing herself out and forgetting to breathe, she finally got it! We were given the all clear to take her home on Tuesday, September 21st, a little over three weeks after she was born.
